Teaching for Teacher

There has not been much time for posting the past few days. I'll try to get you up to speed. The hotel we were booked at in Kosovo was not available because the previous guests had decided not to leave. Welcome to the Balkans. So our choices were a new hotel or to stay with the missionaries we are working with here. I thought it would be great to hear from them about their lives and experiences here. Not to mention, it's free! Between that and the low prices in Macedonia, my gellato budget has really expanded. Mmmmm.... We are all starting to lose our minds a little. My greatest shock this morning has been learning that it is Friday. I am finding myself in a place where abiding in Christ is a very important lesson. Yesterday was so difficult. I came to the absolute end of myself. I was tired and frustrated. I was angry that the system the missionaries used didn't work for me. Some of the ladies and I sat down in the kitchen after the kids went home. We talked about why the day had been so hard and how we could fix it the next day. I lost it. I just cried. I was just so tired. It was there at the lowest point I thought I could be at when God spoke to me. I had been enjoying the work we have done. Even more, I had enjoyed the praise I got from the team. I had enjoyed being the center of attention for story time. Sitting at the table feeling like a failure, I saw that I was finally where God wanted me. Then Dr Shaw asked me to give a testimony during the worship service about why I am here. I prayed and prayed that God would not let me mentally plan something that sounded good but was fake. When it was my turn, I got up and told how God had shown me that it is not about me. It doesn't matter if I'm a good teacher. In fact, when I'm feeling like a good teacher I'm taking away the glory that belongs to the Lord. I tried to be real and admit how low I had gotten that day. I cried then too. I have debated whether I should even post about it. God has shown me a major pride problem. I don't want to say these things so I sound good and spiritual. I'm saying that when I thought I was right, I forgot God. I am definitely not proud of that. That story could be told in greater detail. I could tell you about our day and tomorrow's plans and the wedding music playing outside right now. However, I'm not even sure how to express how tired I am.