Interior Renovation

                Sin is not pretty. It isn’t glamorous or fun. Sin destroys everything around it. For followers of Jesus, sin has got to go. But shoveling all the gunk out of your heart is extremely difficult. Confronting and dealing with sin has been a major theme lately. God has been getting rid of a lot of old me. It has been painful, embarrassing, and frustrating. Being on missions involves a lot of on-the-job training in the heart department.

                When I got to Huntsville, I thought I was a pretty alright Christian. After all, I had given up my summer and passed all the interviews, right? I had been over tons of tests about the things I am good at and the areas God has gifted me in. I was totally unprepared for what I would find about my weaknesses. I didn’t know I was lazy or selfish or impatient. I wouldn’t have described myself as self-centered or proud. But the ugly truth is that I am all of these things, and they began to interfere with ministry.

                I became frustrated with my partner and other team members who were different from me. I wasn’t taking the time to understand where they were coming from and I was determined to be superior to them. In many ways, my partner’s character drew attention to things that mine was lacking. Rather than look stupid, I got angry. I wouldn’t hear what she thought because I couldn’t take responsibility for my failures. But my heart has been doing this for a long time, so I was pretty skilled at it. I wrote people off as confusing and I blamed our communication issues on them. I know that the enemy was attacking our team to cause division. In my pride, I caused problems that came close to destroying it. And I didn’t even know I was doing it.

                But then God began to move. Even though my heart was in the wrong place, he heard my prayers for help. I wanted him to come in and vindicate me, but what he did was much better. He brought restoration. He began to open my eyes to how selfish I had been. Relational problems that I blamed on Myriam were my problem, not hers. Broken, I felt sure that she would hold it against me. It was what I deserved. But God showed up again. Myriam was obedient and full of grace. She forgave me in a way I’ve never seen acted out before. The God kind of forgiveness. I couldn’t believe the closeness that was possible once that happened.

                Unfortunately, there was more that God needed to show me about myself. All those times I asked him to search my heart and change it, I didn’t think it was going to feel like pulling teeth. But again, my character needed renovation. Things seemed to work with Myriam and me for a while and then fall apart again. I was reading Jeremiah and waiting for God to get started on those plans to prosper me and not to harm me. Rescue me, boo Babylon! But one evening, I saw my attitude get out of control and hurt Myriam’s feelings. I saw what I had done and felt genuinely sorry and asked her to forgive me. She did and I naturally proceeded to do the same thing ten minutes later.  I suddenly realized how prone I am to sin. It became devastatingly clear to me that God is holy and I am sinful. Dirty, nasty, ugly sin is my default. Those chapters about Israel’s unfaithfulness were about me. I came to Myriam again for forgiveness. I tried to explain to her how I felt. Why would God even choose me to serve him? I’m so incapable, so unworthy. No matter how much I try and accomplish, sin will always be my default setting.

                I am so glad to have Myriam as a partner. We talked and we prayed. Overwhelmed, I laid on the floor. At that moment, I felt like the only place I deserved to be near God or the people I had mistreated was on my face. I felt like Isaiah, who said “Woe to me, I am ruined!” when he stood before God.

                And then! God kept showing up!!! The following morning, we went to church. The sermon was on Hebrews 3:12-13. “See to it brothers that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God. But encourage one another daily as long as it is called Today so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.” We talked about the proper response to sin: conviction> confession> repentance> restoration. But the thing that I was most surprised by was the idea that my heart is not a personal matter, but a community one. As a follower of Christ, I am committed to a body of other people. It is to be my joy to say, “I take responsibility for your heart and I give you access to mine.” That means my sin hurts my brothers and sisters. It also means that it’s their business to help me out. I had been brought to the floor by seeing my sin. But that wasn’t a stopping point. Once I was humbled enough, it was time to bring my sin issue to other believers. I needed to confess and repent and get help moving on. James says, “Confess your sins, one to another, so that you may be healed.” I never knew that I could do more than share my success with other believers. I never knew that in the Church I could find love and support when I share my failure.

                The last bit of my notes that morning make the whole thing make sense. When “church people” hide their sin from each other, we turn into hypocrites. We walk outside the church doors and the world can see through us. They see that we are fake because we have practiced being fake with each other. All these heart changes God has been making on me have been necessary to doing effective missions. I learned that I have sin. I learned that my sin is a cancer that I need help removing; I never want to allow it to spread to the rest of the body. I learned that sharing good and bad with each other is not only possible, but beautiful. I learned a new way to love. When I recognize that I’m less and others are more, I am willing to serve in ways that are over and above general niceness. So many lessons, so many weeks, so many challenges to live up to. They all lead to one thing. The last line of my notes for Sunday looks like this:

 

Authenticity in here ----->  Authenticity out there

 

House Happenings

                What a very lot I have to tell you. For starters, I’d like to say a big thank you to those of you who have been praying for me and for this ministry. I have seen TONS of evidence that I’m being prayed for. God is really moving here! Some of it has been with our guests, some with the volunteers, and a whole bunch inside me. I have crashed and burned a lot lately. Lucky for me, I serve a God who is an expert at turning failure into something beautiful. Thank you for lifting up this ministry to the Lord. He continually provides. Thank you for praying for growth in my life. A few times I have wished you wouldn’t put me through so many growing pains. But I consider it pure joy, my brothers, when I experience trials of many kinds, for the testing of my faith produces perseverance.

                I may need to break things up into a couple different posts. I’d like to give you a rundown of a typical day at the Hospitality House. That is going to be a bit of a challenge, since there is always something new going on here. No two days are exactly alike, but at the same time they are. Confused yet? Me too.

                A day in our life starts early. When guests are in the house, we start making breakfast at 6am so that we can serve at 7. During breakfast we pick up laundry, hang out with guests, and try to get everyone out the door by 8. Breakfast always consists of biscuits and gravy. We use frozen biscuits and a gravy mix, but people are none the wiser. They’re actually delicious! Our first few weeks we goofed around the kitchen trying to read all the labels, but now we know where everything is. We whip out all the jellies and cereals and hot pads for breakfast in no time. Once the guests are gone, we try to finish getting ready and doing quiet times. It has gotten to be a pretty special occasion if I manage to get any makeup on. Sometimes I reach the end of the day and realize I haven’t even looked in the mirror. Not that it matters. Prison tats are sort of a deal breaker for me as far as the dating pool goes ;)

                Business hours are from 9-5 so staff and volunteers are here during that time. This is when we accept donations, take phone calls, and handle clerical things. We also need to make sure rooms are clean and reset with clean linens, reading materials, and marked bibles. After big weekends, this can take a big portion of the day. The beds need to be made and the rooms tidy. If you see something out of whack, you just fix it. No need to ask anymore. We try to remember to eat lunch. We clean the kitchen like a hundred thousand times. That thing has an uncanny ability to get dirty every time you turn around. After 3:00, guests can start checking in again. Cook dinner, socialize, hope for sleep. Lather, rinse, repeat. Debra and Joe have been out a lot lately, so Mark, Myriam, and I have been responsible for keeping things in line. Most of the times when Debra is away, she is spreading the word about the House. She shared with us that God constantly reminds her that this is HIS ministry and HE will provide for it. He has done just that, over and over. After worrying about spending for the BGCT Convention, we were blessed with a huge donation along with a sweet note from members of a church Debra spoke at. Thank you Lord!

                This week is extra fun! We have a youth group here for a mission trip. They came in today and will be helping out all week. Lots of things have to go undone around here, since we can only do so much. Having their help will give us the chance to do some necessary projects. I spent some time with the girls at dinner and it was a lot of fun. Youth ministry is the only place where you get points for being obnoxious. I dig that. They have a girl named Sam. I couldn’t help but ask if it was short for San Anthrax. Needless to say, she (and those of you not from Earth,TX) was confused. But I got a laugh and some general teenage approval. Win.

                I have a HUGE lesson/heart change/ God event to write about. But I’m wrapping this puppy up and I’ll give that one the time and thought it deserves. For now I’m going to get some rest. This post is just to let ya know I’m still alive. I have not forgotten all the beautiful faces that I know are supporting me. In fact I get more and more anxious to see you all again. But I am incredibly blessed to be in this place. God is good. So very, very good.

 

Judy Moody

                You may have noticed… I’m insane. Yep. Basket case, loon, the whole nine yards. So even though my post yesterday was full of bubbles and joy, today not so much. It was super wonderful to get the care package from people who love me. Maybe the reminder of the support I have at home made me wish I was there. Maybe I need to put on my big girl pants and get over myself. At any rate, I’m not feeling super enthused about this day.

                We haven’t had any guests in a couple of nights so that’s a bummer.  I appreciate the rest, but our purpose is so clear when there are people around.  Things are harder for me when I don’t see the point. But of course, the house has business as usual. We are working on making a thousand cookies for a convention next week and Jamie and I are continuing our efforts on the case statement.

                This evening, Myriam and I decided to go to a college group at one of the local churches. It was your typical young adult thing, sing a few songs and split up for discussion. But tonight I felt a bit alienated from the church talk. We talked about denominational differences and what the bible says about different issues. Normally, I would eat that stuff up. I agreed with a lot of people, but I still felt a certain frustration. I didn’t contribute much. I just couldn’t care about some of it. My life here at the Hospitality House is so intentional. I want people here to know the love of Jesus. I don’t care if people want to dunk or sprinkle or if crackers count as the Lord’s Supper or if women need church bonnets. Doctrine is great. Following biblical guidelines is important. I’m just a little grossed out by church culture right now.

                I used to live in this world where things like that mattered. I used to face problems like which bible study to choose from and panic if someone asked me to pray in front of everyone. Here, in this place that is unfamiliar, my priorities are changing. I’m tired of gorging myself on spiritual knowledge and then not doing anything with it. It’s making me fat and sick inside. Here, it’s about people. It’s about love. I stand rooted in the bible, the truth of God’s word. But I am so over hearing it and doing nothing about it.

                I’m not upset with the church we went to or even the Church as a whole. Walking out your faith is so incredibly difficult. If anything, I want to encourage my brothers and sisters when I talk about church. I want to be part of the solution, not complain about how the Church is or isn’t. Conviction sucks. I don’t like being aware of my complacency. But there it is, out in the open so that I can move on. Onward and upward, my friends. How can we be the body of Christ today and tomorrow and next week? How can we read our bibles and know what to do with it?

 

 

                Thank you for praying for me and keeping up with the posts. I have not shared as many stories as I would like to, but that seems to be the pattern with blogging in general. Since it’s a slow week, maybe I’ll get to post some fun blurbs about our experiences with guests. Please be in prayer for all of us here at the House and our function as a team. There are 4 executions scheduled for July. Could you pray about my health? I’ve been getting headaches that make it hard for me to do what I need to do. Also pray that I will know God’s voice and recognize it. Pray that I will do what it says. Pray that I don’t act out of my selfishness, but with his love.

Thank You!!!

Wow! I have so much to say today! Unfortunately, I'm having some computer trouble I haven't had time to fix so I'm posting from my phone. I won't write much, but I needed to send a huge thank you to everyone who worked on the care packages we received today. My Wayland family is awesome! Myriam and I got 2 packages today full of goodies. Snacks, pens , bubbles, and more. The best part was all the notes written from my bsm and Wayland folk letting me know they are praying for me. It was so great to read them. My card from Primera said from YOUR church, Primera Iglesia Bautista. That means so much to me!! I posted a video to Facebook sharing a journal entry from last night. Just hours before getting this package, I was asking God some tough questions. Is this even worth it? I don't wanna pour my life into following him if it's not. Pursuing God means giving him everything. Am I really on board for that?

This morning I got up and stayed busy. I wasn't ready to think about the answers to my questions and I was avoiding God. Finally, I got on my face. Looking over some notes from church, I began to ask who God i. Do I even know him? Call me a weirdo, but I began to think of Sleeping Beauty's song.  *I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream*    I found my way to 2 Timothy 1 and looked at Paul's absolute certainty. "I know whom I have believed and I am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him for that day. " It occurred to me that I do know who God is. My song became my prayer. I know you. I walked with you. I can do this. You are worth my everything.

Shortly after this, Jamie knocked on our door to announce a package that had come for us. Go Now told us one was coming and that we should film ourselves opening it. We had no idea what it was. I had no idea it would be full of the things I missed most, the love and support I left at home. After asking the Lord if following him was worth it he answered. His own words, hidden in my heart came to me in that moment.

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. "