This is my first article for The Trailblazer, Wayland's newspaper. Enjoy!
The day is fast approaching. One single day of the year that determines whether “Dun dun dundun” means “Here Comes the Bride” or signals the arrival of the Grim Reaper. Valentine’s Day is both celebrated and dreaded. At a school called Wedding Bells University, the feelings are only magnified. The question is, what does it take? To what lengths does a belle go to make sure the bells ring? Just how does she get her ring by spring?
Fear not, ladies. Here are step-by-step instructions, never before seen in print. The Wayland Wedding How-to is practically foolproof.
First, it is essential that you become one of two majors: religion or education. Why? Because preacher boys come with a mission, that’s why. Religion classes put you in direct contact with said boys. Proximity is everything. Education is a close second because the walk to Van Howeling gives the perfect opportunity for him to see a nice hair flip before class.
About hair, you need some. Lots of it.There’s nothing like long, luscious locks to catch a man. You may need to invest in an alarm clock. The I-just-rolled-out-of-bed look works in the movies, but not so much for our purposes.
Spending time in the Caf is another fundamental part of acquiring your ring by spring. Think of it as a proverbial watering hole. That is where the action is, my friends. You might even employ the strategy of carrying too many plates at one time. This is, however, a bit of a risk because while it might attract the attention of a suave Samaritan, it has to potential to go downhill fast.
Caf time is not only vital for face-to-face communication with Mr. Ring, but an indispensable source for your next step: the add. Online social networking is key. Every ring-seeking sister must master stalking before going in for the flirt.
After gaining success in all these areas, some find themselves caught in wedding bell blues. They found the man, their Pinterest board is filling up, and yet no ring in sight. Press on my dears, it can be done. The most valuable tool at Wedding Bells is peer pressure. The months following December and May graduation offer a smorgasbord of matrimonial examples. It won’t be long before Mr. Dragging His Feet gets the hint.
The next step on your ring by spring road is to DISREGARD THESE INSTRUCTIONS. There is no foolproof way to snag a husband and the truth is, it is unnecessary. God has a plan for every young man and woman at Wayland Baptist University. When the time is right, that plan may lead into the most beautiful love story ever seen on campus. Until then, college is about finding yourself, not someone else. Embrace yourself, try new things, make new friends, and learn all you can. Toss out that change of major form and take a lesson from our very own Miss Wayland: No hair, don’t care. Beauty comes in many forms and mostly from the inside.You do not need Mr. Right to be the person you were made to be and you do not need to have an admirer to be admirable. Spend Valentine’s Day and every day knowing that ring or no ring, you are worth celebrating.
