Next Stop, Huntsville!

Good evening ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to my small corner of the interwebs. I’m feeling extra bloggy tonight so let’s get going!

I see that some of you have received your GoNow letter from me! Of course, you read about my plans for the summer, but for those of you who haven’t checked your mailboxes, here is a short preview. I have applied through my school’s BSM (Baptist Student Ministry) to be sent as a GoNow missionary for the summer. After a long process of applications and interviews, I have been appointed to Huntsville, TX. Huntsville is home to some of Texas’s largest prisons. From May 18 until August 14, I will be staying at a hospitality house designed for those coming to visit loved ones in prison. This ministry takes a special interest in “the other victims of crime”.  The house provides lodging, meals, and spiritual support for families dealing with the incarceration of their loved ones.

For me, this means cooking, cleaning, answering phones, and doing whatever else needs to be done to help things go smoothly during the week. On the weekends, I get to spend time with the families and build relational bridges to Jesus. The temporary loss of a family member to prison can cause major strain on a family. During this difficult time, I will have the opportunity to talk about the hope found in Christ and the transformation he can bring to anyone who asks. Over and over in my own life I have seen the Lord bring a beautiful and joyful ending to a painful story. I love that I will be participating in God’s transforming power in Huntsville.

Know what else? There are a truckload of kids who desperately need Christ to change the trajectory of their lives. Check out these stats http://emu.edu/now/peacebuilder/2011/03/justice-for-children-whose-parents-are-in-prison/ . Without the ministry of the hospitality house, these children are on a path toward the same choices their parents have made. Through loving on these kids, we can teach them how to make their own positive choices. The house emphasizes keeping these children in school, a factor that decreases the likelihood that they too will end up in prison. These kiddos need to know that they are valuable creations of God and that he has great plans for their lives. And if I have anything to say about it, the time that they spend at the hospitality house will be a blast!

I don’t know if it has come across…but I’m excited!!! It is getting hard to concentrate on school, but these last few weeks are pretty important. In other news, I woke up this morning and told this day that I owned it. It belonged to me and it would be great. I should do that more often! It’s been a long and lovely day and I feel the kind of healthy tired that tops off a day. I am sure that I planned to say more, but I am anxious to get this posted.

Long Time No See

How very behind I am! I need to get back up to date so I can start posting GoNow updates. For the moment, here is a piece of my application for summer missions. We were asked for 2 experiences that give good insight about us. This is really close to my heart. I am becoming more and more aware of how many people experience depression. What was once a painful topic has become a wonderful ministry tool. Here is a bit about that:

About one year ago I came to a place where I needed to admit that I was struggling with depression and I needed help. Since starting college, depression and anxiety had been slowly creeping up on me. They began to show up more and more, straining my health, focus, and relationships. Prior to this time I felt that depression was a sign of a deficient faith. If you know Christ, then his joy ought to fill your life. Anxiety implied to me a lack of trust in God. When I began to feel these things in my own heart and mind I became very troubled. Had I failed God? Was I doing something wrong? Fortunately, my family was very supportive. They encouraged me to see my doctor. I began taking an anti-depressant and saw almost immediate results. I felt more like myself than I had in months. It seemed that I had a chemical imbalance that could be adjusted. However, after several good months, I began noticing bad signs again. I became nervous, overly sensitive, and spent most of my time asleep. I thought the problem had been fixed. I was hesitant to admit that it was back. I thought God had used my medicine to heal me and now things were going bad again.

The same inadequacy I had felt before plagued me. I returned to my doctor and increased my dosage. The experience sounds like a dark time for me, and at points it was. However the consistent factor in all of this was God. He never left my side when I asked difficult questions. His word confirmed to me that his work on the cross was sufficient for me. He would never change his mind about me based on failure or success. When my depression robbed me of enthusiasm, he assured me that he had created me for a purpose and that my life was going somewhere worthwhile. I began to understand that this was a trial in my Christian life, not an indication of some failure, and that God was able to see me through. I gained empathy for others experiencing depression and a desire to minister to them. Today, I still take my medication and have begun seeing a Christian counselor. My depression and anxiety are manageable. Still, there are times when I rely heavily on God’s help and comfort. Because of my constant need for him, my prayer life has exploded. I understand the faith of the men in the fiery furnace. My God will deliver me, but even if he does not I will praise him. If God takes away this struggle from me, I will rejoice in his healing. If he does not, I will rejoice in his love in the midst of it.

Second Annual Noteable Notes For Your Notice

We are driving through the Mediterranean Plain. Ella Fitzgerald is singing hymns to me. It is a beautiful day. I'm pretty ok with life right now. It seems that I should do a little blogging for you. I think I'll share some fun facts with you. 1. At our hotel in Macedonia, when you leave you put your room key on the front desk. It will be sitting there when you get back. And so will the owner. 2. The streets are clean. The shopkeepers wash them down multiple times a day. 3. Turkish toilets. If you don't know, don't ask. 4. We have eaten chicken from hell. That refers to meat cooked over burning coals. 5. I miss my dad. 6. Albanian has 35 letters. Come on, that is completely unnecessary. 7. It's wedding season. Dr. Rick Matchmaker Shaw is having a grand old time planning my life and picking out dresses for me. 8. Grapes have seeds. Apparently Americans are the only people on earth too lazy to spit out their own seeds. 9. Blavushka is a word that means "the blond one". It is funny to call Elaine Blavushka. 10. It is not funny to call Elaine Blavushka in Kosovo. The word sounds Serbian. More on that later. 11. It is funny when Elaine responds by naming Dr. Shaw Babaldi. There are a lot more than 11 fun facts about the Balkans. Unfortunately, it is time to find some dinner. We are all hoping we can survive a meal after the nauseating ride here. Wish our intestines luck.

7 AM what more do you want from me?

Today we drive to Greece. It is an all-day drive. I really hope we end up on some flat-ish roads so I can sleep. I really want to get a little more energy sp that I can appreciate the last few things we have to do. In Greece we will visit Thessaloniki and Neapolis and Philippi. I want to have a little brain power left for the places Paul went before I sink into a plane ride stupor. We are also planning a tour when we get to London. Gotta keep going. God has done a lot in and through me on this trip. I have so many things to process. I have all these potentially life changing epiphanies to make. I feel like I need a little more time before I can make sense of things. And maybe some breakfast. Thank you very much if you were a part of sending me here. You have invested in the kingdom of God and in my life. There are some very funny things I'd like to tell you about eventually. We get home on Tuesday, but don't think I'm done telling you about the trip. I have a lot of holes to fill.

Teaching for Teacher

There has not been much time for posting the past few days. I'll try to get you up to speed. The hotel we were booked at in Kosovo was not available because the previous guests had decided not to leave. Welcome to the Balkans. So our choices were a new hotel or to stay with the missionaries we are working with here. I thought it would be great to hear from them about their lives and experiences here. Not to mention, it's free! Between that and the low prices in Macedonia, my gellato budget has really expanded. Mmmmm.... We are all starting to lose our minds a little. My greatest shock this morning has been learning that it is Friday. I am finding myself in a place where abiding in Christ is a very important lesson. Yesterday was so difficult. I came to the absolute end of myself. I was tired and frustrated. I was angry that the system the missionaries used didn't work for me. Some of the ladies and I sat down in the kitchen after the kids went home. We talked about why the day had been so hard and how we could fix it the next day. I lost it. I just cried. I was just so tired. It was there at the lowest point I thought I could be at when God spoke to me. I had been enjoying the work we have done. Even more, I had enjoyed the praise I got from the team. I had enjoyed being the center of attention for story time. Sitting at the table feeling like a failure, I saw that I was finally where God wanted me. Then Dr Shaw asked me to give a testimony during the worship service about why I am here. I prayed and prayed that God would not let me mentally plan something that sounded good but was fake. When it was my turn, I got up and told how God had shown me that it is not about me. It doesn't matter if I'm a good teacher. In fact, when I'm feeling like a good teacher I'm taking away the glory that belongs to the Lord. I tried to be real and admit how low I had gotten that day. I cried then too. I have debated whether I should even post about it. God has shown me a major pride problem. I don't want to say these things so I sound good and spiritual. I'm saying that when I thought I was right, I forgot God. I am definitely not proud of that. That story could be told in greater detail. I could tell you about our day and tomorrow's plans and the wedding music playing outside right now. However, I'm not even sure how to express how tired I am.

Crossing the Border

It's too hot to blog. Or move. Or live. Today we drove from Skopje to Kosovo. I have been stuffing new information into my brain all day, so I am likely to miss some things. We learned a lot about the history of Kosovo and how it came to be a country. We stopped at Mother Theresa's church and were able to spend some time with the priest there. It is very interesting to hear different sides of the cultural and religious issues in this part of the world. Tonight, a few of us are staying with some American missionaries who have been in Kosovo for five years. It was so nice to see beds made up for us. We have only been here a week, but there was something about being in a home instead of a hotel that felt really good. I look forward to talking with the missionaries tomorrow about themselves and how they ended up here. We will be helping with some kids clubs and worship services. I am interested to see if I like Kosovo as much as Macedonia. We have two days of ministry here and then we head south to see some biblical sites in Greece. We have an early start tomorrow. Remind me to tell you about the memorials. Goodnight, Texas.

Hellos and Goodbyes

Today was our last day in Macedonia. We said goodbye to Konjare and Shutka. Tomorrow we will spend most of the day driving to Kosovo. Rusty said that if you imagine the worst bumpy farmer's market road where you can't pass and it takes forever, that would be better than the roads we will be on. We shall see if that manages to keep me from snoozing the whole way there. I expected to be sad about leaving Konjare. The village has so few Christians, and the ones there need a lot of training about the Bible. Shutka has been more difficult work and I expected to be okay with going somewhere new. But as we got in the van this afternoon, I said goodbye to the young man who accepted Christ on our first day. Over the past few days, we have seen this brand new Christian make leaps and bounds. He began helping us teach the younger children and translating our Macedonian lessons into the Roma language. Here in Macedonia I have seen huge emphasis on the relationship of brothers and sisters in Christ. This has been especially true with this boy. I feel such pride when I see my new brother growing and learning how to follow Jesus. As we left Shutka I wanted to tell him how important it is for him to study the Bible and to grow tall and strong in the Lord. How can I know he will press on when being a Christian gets hard? How can I leave my brother? And where will I go that could be more important than teaching people about Jesus? The van started up and tears ran down my face. We were so hot and sweaty that it hardly made any difference. For a little while I just lost it. We are leaving Macedonia. How long until I see the people who I have grown to love like my own family? Will I ever come back here? The sadness I felt today made me wonder if this is the place God has called me to. Is he showing me something I can get passionate about doing? Or would I feel this way anywhere? Only time will tell if Macedonia will be part of my future. I certainly wouldn't rule it out. Let's take a moment to talk about food. I haven't reported many dining escapades so far. Basically, I have discovered that I am the most hopeless food critic on the planet. I just don't like anything. Macedonia has not changed that. I get the plainest thing on the menu and eat enough to tide me over until my next peach from the bazaar. Most of the meat here is grilled. Burek is bread baker with something inside, like goat cheese or meat. People here almost always drink carbonated water instead of regular. You often have to say "no gas" when you ask for water. We have a lot of Shopske salad which has tomatoes, cucumbers, onion, peppers, and cheese. It is not my favorite but normal people seem to like it. The prices here are extremely low. Usually our supper at a restaurant is about 300 denari. Sounds like a lot, but it is really only $6.00 for a nice meal. Tiffany had an ice cream cone tonight for about twenty cents. I'm pretty cool with that. I'm headed to bed. Every time I wake up I am more tired than when I went to sleep. But usually from the moment I walk out the door something reminds me how much I love it here.